The Gift of Feedback

Without Facing the Truth, High Performance Isn't Possible

To get better at anything requires feedback.

Sometimes feedback arrives like a thunderclap. Other times it comes as a whisper. Either way, we have to be willing to hear it.

Blue Angels and TOPGUN flight debriefs are famous for their candor. Every flight is followed by a detailed review of what happened, what went well, what did not, and what the team and each pilot need to improve.

It takes some getting used to.

Imagine having your teammates hold up a mirror to your performance every day. Some days, the reflection is not very attractive. The debriefs can become loud and passionate because everyone is completely committed to achieving the highest level of mastery, individually and collectively. Standards are extraordinarily high, and nobody benefits when a mistake is softened, ignored, or explained away. But there is an important rule.

THE FEEDBACK IS ABOUT PERFORMANCE. IT’S NEVER PERSONAL

Your performance may be criticized. Your decisions may be questioned. Your execution may be dissected in excruciating detail. But the criticism is never personal. We do not question someone’s character or intentions simply because they made a mistake. If a verbal or nonverbal comment begins to cross that line, teammates are expected to reset the discussion. If they do not, the leader must step in.

Ultimately, the leader is responsible for establishing an environment where people can speak candidly without attacking one another. That distinction matters. Candor without trust becomes conflict (“I’m just being honest”). Trust without candor creates blind spots (“There were problems, but I know how hard you tried”). High-performing teams need both candor and trust.

NOT ALL FEEDBACK IS EQUAL

Being open to feedback does not mean treating every opinion as equally valuable.

Vague feedback is rarely useful. “You could have done better.” “Something about that presentation didn’t work.” “You just weren’t yourself today.” Maybe. But what specifically should I do differently?

Feedback driven by politics, ego, jealousy, or some hidden agenda should also be treated carefully. The most valuable feedback is specific, constructive, and offered with the genuine intent to help someone improve.

That is why truth-tellers are so important. We need people around us who care enough about us, and about the mission, to say what needs to be said. And we need enough humility to hear them.

TRUTH-TELLERS

During my time leading the Blue Angels, I was blessed with wingmen who brought me the truth about my performance in the air as their flight leader every day for two years. And also with each other. Our objective was nothing less than to perform at the Blue Angels standard and become the best team we could be.

That meant they sometimes had to tell me things I did not particularly want to hear, and vice versa. Early on, that was uncomfortable. It is easy to defend yourself, explain why something happened, or quietly conclude that the other person simply does not understand. Within the first week of winter training, I began to understand what was happening.

Their intentions were honorable. Their feedback was not an attack. It was a gift. They wanted me to succeed because my performance affected all of us. Once I understood that, I became much better at listening for the lesson instead of reacting to the discomfort. And my performance rapidly improved.

LISTEN FOR THE KERNEL OF TRUTH

There is another lesson I sometimes share in my keynotes and workshops. Besides your partner and your children, do you know who may be among the most effective people at giving you honest feedback? People who don’t like you very much. Because they don't care how you feel about what they have to say. Unfortunately, they’ll wrap the feedback in emotion, drama, or hostility and push it right in your face. Our natural reaction is to dismiss the entire package. That can be a mistake.

Even poorly delivered feedback can contain a kernel of truth. The challenge is to separate the message from the messenger. Step back from the emotion. Ask yourself whether there is something useful buried inside the criticism. Is there a pattern I have heard before? Is there something I am not seeing? Is there one thing here I can act on to raise my game? Then take action.

We do not have to accept every criticism as valid. But neither should we reject useful information simply because we dislike the source or the way it was delivered.

CREATING A CULTURE OF CANDOR

Leaders have an important role in making candid feedback possible. They must model how to give it.

• Be specific.

• Focus on behavior and performance.

• Explain why it matters.

• Offer the feedback with the genuine intent to help.

• Be curious that you may not see the whole picture.

And leaders must also model how to receive it.

• Listen before defending.

• Ask questions to gain greater understanding. “Tell me more.”

• Look for the truth. “What I’m hearing you say is…”

• Thank people who have the courage to tell you something you need to hear.

The goal is not to create an environment where everyone is constantly criticizing one another. The goal is to create a team where people trust one another enough to tell the truth and respect one another enough to receive the feedback with gratitude.

Candid feedback is not always comfortable. But when it is specific, professional, and offered with honorable intent, it is one of the greatest gifts a teammate can give.

Be a High-Trust Leader. Seek out truth-tellers. Listen for the lesson. And help your team become strong enough to give and receive candid feedback as a gift that leads to excellence.