This is something many leaders miss. And it costs them more than they realize. Just watch an episode of Undercover Boss.

Why? Because we don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are. Everyone sees the world and events in their own way, from their own perspective and experience — no two of us see life exactly the same.

It’s much easier to connect with someone you agree with. You are already in alignment. Much harder to connect with someone who disagrees with you. How do you get them to believe you understand them?

The fifth question asked when judging someone’s trustworthiness is “Do I understand you?” It’s difficult to trust someone who you don’t understand.

Late November I received a holiday card from a good friend. He sends them before every holiday. Actually, he doesn’t send them, a holiday-card email service sends them to everyone on his mailing list.

Many cultures and religions have strong traditions of extending hospitality, even to strangers. Often because it originated as a matter of survival. During early days, helping others was necessary for survival of the species. Along the way, extending hospitality was woven into most people’s hormonal reward system by nature and nurture. Extending hospitality that is gratefully received causes the release of dopamine and a feeling of pleasure.

Many times people say things and I’ll think, “YES! That’s what I’m thinking.” During a Knowledge Project podcast, Jennifer Garvey Berger beautifully described the difference between a Charismatic Leader and a Great [High-Trust] Leader.

Nearly all of us have strapped-in to a Mach 2 world. We’re busy, we’re frantic, we’re self-absorbed. The answer: be clear, concise, and direct.

There is a guy on my team who scores well on four of the five C’s of trustworthiness: character, commitment, competence, connection, and communication.

The problem — He’s slow to respond to emails, phone calls, voicemails.

As we seek to build greater trust in the relationships that matter, we must also deal with people who don’t deserve our trust. At least not yet, and maybe never.